He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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