Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
