I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
please come you make the beer taste better
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
