Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
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