Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize
