well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Randomize
