i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Randomize
