so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
