Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
honey bunches of taint.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
