i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
