dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
