It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
