After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
A+ Viking dick
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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