drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
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