You really coming over, don't trick.
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
