There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
All the doctor said was why
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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