He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
