Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
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