A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
