dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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