Whatcha textin bout Willis?
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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