My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
