I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
We left an ass print on the piano.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
We had sex on a dog bed..
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I use my feet as sexual weapons
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
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