I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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