He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Randomize
