The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
there is puke in my bra ... again
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