Nicole vs. Life
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
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