he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
