Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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