I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Randomize
