so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Randomize