Don't you send me to vm
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
