How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
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