I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
