Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Randomize
