You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
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