like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
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