3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Randomize
