My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Randomize
