I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Randomize
