The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
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