My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
