i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
