Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Couch. On fire.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
