why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
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