I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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