i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
