they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
