i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Randomize
