I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
