you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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