so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Randomize
