I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
