Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
you mean i was at the winter classic?
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Randomize
