and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
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