all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
