Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
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