just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
