great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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